Thursday, November 30, 2006

Allahboard US Airways

Good evening, I'm Lou Dobbs and this is Moneyline

In a recent incident involving Muslim Imams being expelled for what has been called "Disruptive behavior", CAIR, the Council on American Islamic Relations has called for a boycott by Muslims of US Airways.

We are joined tonight by the Chairman, President and Chief Executive Officer for US Airways, Mr. Doug Parker. Thank you for joining us tonight on Moneyline Mr. Parker

Well thanks for having me on to speak about this very important subject Lou; it’s my pleasure to be here.

Here also to present the other side is Council on American Islamic Relations spokesman Mr. Nihad Awad.

Welcome to Moneyline Mr. Awad.

Thank you Lou, Peace be unto you.

Let’s go first to you Mr. Parker, what is US Airways position on the events of that flight?

Well Lou, as you know, at US Airways number our number one priority is keeping our customers safe. If anything, the flight crew was just taking every precaution for all the passengers.

What do you say Mr. Awad. And by the way, I have to say, I have never met anyone whose name fit them so very well.

Thank you Lou, and again, peace be upon you. The position of CAIR and all Muslims is that if the other passengers cannot grasp that shouting Allah’s name, peace be unto him, as they are boarding the aircraft, moving suspiciously about the cabin, asking for seatbelt extensions they do not need and praising Osama bin Laden while criticizing the criminal United States Government shortly before take off is just a normal and natural part of Islamic culture. If the bigoted and racist passengers cannot grasp that all these activities were no threat, it is their problem.

Are you out of your friggen mind?

Not at all Lou. It should be obvious to anyone by now that it is the racist American public that is the root of all of these problems. If the American public would just accept ...

Now wait just a minute Mr. Awad.

If you will let me finish Lou, If the American public would just accept the superiority of Islamic culture all of these problems can be put behind us.


CAIR is calling for a boycott by all Muslims worldwide against US Airways until they have apologized to the insult toward Islam and these Imams. The humiliation suffered by these holy men is almost beyond calculation. Fortunately, we have excellent accountants, and they, by the most amazing stroke of luck, have managed to calculate that their humiliation can be diminished to an acceptable level by a payment by US Airways in the amount of Seventeen Million, Five Hundred Fifty Two Thousand, Two Hundred and Eighty Seven Dollars and Sixty Two Cents.

And 62 cents?

Yes Lou, and 62 cents.


Thank you for that Mr. Awad, and again, congratulations on a most excellent name.

You're quite welcome Lou.

Back to you Mr. Parker.

You just heard what Mr. Awad had to say, they are calling for a world-wide boycott by all Muslims against US Airways until their financial demands have been met. What is US Airways position on their position?

Well Lou, as I said earlier, US Airways believes it acted in a manner that ensured the safety of all its passengers. Disruptive behavior will never be allowed on any flight by anyone. We have been inundated with letters of support from members of the flying public praising our actions. We stand by our decision.

How do you respond to the demands by CAIR for restitution to the Imams that were ejected from the flight?

Lou, here's the thing. We are a private company. We have the right to refuse service to anyone, and pretty much for any reason we like. We believe that if you make your fellow passengers nervous by your obnoxious behavior, you shouldn't be surprised when we kick your ass off the plane.

Seems pretty straight forward to me Mr. Parker. What about their call for a world-wide boycott of US Airways?

Well Lou, here's the deal. We have done studies showing that Muslims make up only 3% of our paying passengers. As a result of actions by members of that group, the allies of CAIR have cost the Airline approximately seventy three million dollars in increased costs for security and other expenses since Sept. 11. Our marketing department has given us some interesting proposals since this latest incident. I am pleased to announce that rather than pay off these guys, we are proud to declare ourselves to be the worlds first all non-Moslem airline. I know there will be the claim that El Al got there first but we are the first to have it as a company policy.

Let me get this straight, your airline is agreeing to the boycott?

Oh it is way more than agreement Lou, we are actively discouraging Moslems to fly with us period. We have done a cost benefit analysis and determined that it just isn't worth the bother.

Interesting concept....

My thanks to both of you for being on Moneyline tonight. Thank you again Mr. Parker for a fascinating discussion about a very innovative business decision and again Mr. Awad, great name you have there.

(Together) Thanks Lou.

In our next story, blogger knewshound discusses his legal problem concerning his recent column. We get reaction from the author himself from an undisclosed location

I'm Lou Dobbs and this is Moneyline.

Authors note; Nihad Awad is in fact a spokesman for CAIR, Doug Parker is in fact the Chairman, CEO and President of US Airways, Lou Dobbs works for CNN, so we aren't sure about him - knewshound



Anonymous Jebster said...

Too freakin' funny...nice job.

11:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

*Clap* *Clap* *Clap*

Thank you SO MUCH. That was hysterical. lol

3:33 PM  
Anonymous 2oldfdrs said...

Very funny, I sent it to all my liberal friends.

9:14 AM  
Anonymous 2oldfdrs said...

Verry Funny! I sent to all my liberal friends!

9:28 AM  
Blogger USpace said...

This was very funny, too bad it wasn't real...

We have to refuse to be intimidated, if someone makes someone report them for weird behavior, then that person should be sued by the passengers for causing them distress with their behavior.

These Imams were faking and goofing on the passengers, and were probably trying to get tossed off the plane just so they could play the victim card and go to court and make a scene. Any judge who allows this is garbage.

absurd thought -
God of the Universe says
pretend to be terrorists

scare people on a plane
get thrown off claim racism

12:18 AM  

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